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| Anas and Mias are hardcore. | | |
| I feel guilty for not commenting back on some of you guys..but trust me, someday I will get back to reading everyone's entries and comment on every single one of them. ..like I did during the summer.
Ana is still here, but lots of her have already gone away. I'm still working on it. Jeezum..it's so hard. I mean, people who DON'T understand ana are probably like, "Why can't you just eat normal meals? It's not that hard." But the thing is..it's the mind that keeps you from eating. Anas don't like to eat. They fear gaining weight. It's so hard for me to explain it..but I'm sure most of you know what I mean.
I still freak out about gaining weight.
I still work out excessively.
I still starve, then binge, then starve, then binge. (which is a really bad eating habit)
I still count calories.
At least I have some of my period now..which is really important.
For the one person who wanted to know what book I was reading, it's at the top.
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| Girl 1: I wish I could starve myself, but I can't.
Girl 2: If you did, you would probably get a disease.
Me: What?
Girl 1: I said I wish I could starve myself, but I can't/
Me: Why not...?
Girl 1: Because I can't.
Inner Me: You have no control.
I've said goodbye to ana. She's gradually going away. I already feel a lot better without her. | | |
| On my last entry I said I was losing weight like whoa but I would probably gain it back by bingeing. I was right. I binged. I got fat. I regret it. I hate it.
So a couple people asked me how I did the losing weight part. I freaking starved myself for a couple days..which caused me to binge. Don't follow my doings...
So the book I'm reading is getting interesting. Amy is right. I can relate to this girl in the book a lot. The other books I read were similar to me..but not exactly. So this girl got pretty thin..then ended up gaining a lot of weight. (just like I did) and even though people think she's recovered, she's not. That's just how it is for my parents. In the summer it was really obvious I had some kind of eating disorder but right now they think I'm eating normal again. The girl in this book is secretly trying to lose all the weight again, just like I am. Eh..well there's so much to this book but I don't feel like typing.
I can't believe all the weight I've gained....It's so disgusting, even though people say I'm NOT over weight. I've been tryign to get used to the weight I am right now, but I can't freaking stand it. Now my thighs touch (which bothers me the most) and there are so many shirts I can't wear anymore. I always think that if I'm skinnier, I will be more happy, but I don't know if it will be that way.
...I really need to take a break from ana....
I think I will. | | |
| I'm losing weight like whoa.
I'm probably going to put it all back tomorrow if I binge or something.. | | |
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